Weekly I bounce back and forth between what I want to do, not necessarily with my life but with my money. I have two brilliant Ideas that when I start dwelling on one of them the other disappears, becoming ridiculous and absurd. Yet there always comes about some stimulus that will bring the ridiculous and absurd into a new light where it suddenly seems like the only logical course. This cycle repeats at nauseum until all that I can conclude is that I'm the one that is ridiculous and absurd.
On the one hand I dream of going to some foreign slum and blowing all of my money on the simple carnal pleasures of life that you can only find far away from the comforts of home. Lying on beaches, walking through deserts, standing in the shadows of mountains, feeling the cold biting winds of some far off stepp with only a thought to where I will go next.
Or on the other hand there is that nesting instinct telling me to take my money, make a down payment on a house and live the life of a reasonable, respectable human being. There are times when thoughts like this sickens me to death, but other times (now being on of them) that this seems like such a blissful existence. To have a garden to work in, home repairs to putter around with, the simple joy of stability and belonging seems like the kind of comfortable life that I could just lose myself in.
The logical response to my dilemma is of course "Why can't you just have both?" and my answer is that I don't want both. I don't want to be the stable person pretending to be adventurous and I don't want to be the adventurous person who operates with the net that takes away all the risks that he appears to be taking.
My biggest issue I have realized is that there is simply too much possibility, though it likely makes little sense I wish I had some sort of a hindrance, that there was something that set out my path a bit more clearly. Right now I do have school to play that role but in 13 months that disappears and I am left to choose. I'm pretty sure what that's going to turn out to be and I'm not very happy with what I see.
Sorry if this seems like the inane whining of some well off, spoiled, suburbanite but that's what it is. Feel free to smack me when you get the chance, I probably need it.
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I hear you man. And all I can say is, Welcome to life. Of course, it's not like you can't have both. For example, nothing says you have to blow all your money on the carnal pleasures of life, as you so eloquently put it. Blow maybe half on carnal pleasures. When you're done with that, come back and use the other half as house down payments. And frankly, right now probably isn't the smartest time to go buying a house, especially around here.
Ah ha! I solved my own problem.
Go to some foreign, far-off land. Buy a shanty on the beach, or build one out of driftwood. From there, make sure it's no more than a day's travel by donkey to your nearest mountain, ocean, steppe, glacier, or what-have-you. Then, when you get home, make repairs and tend your garden.
I'll come visit you all the time. It'll be awesome.
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